Today I was at the shopping centre carpark and I saw a Mum who was struggling with her baby. Baby was crying and I heard her yelling. She seemed unsure as to why her baby was crying; confused, but angry as well. And my heart went out to her.
My heart also went out to her baby; who was needing support and it seemed that this mum didn’t know how to give it. She didn’t know how to cope with the emotions which often come up during every-day parenting challenges. The kind of moments that we all have as mothers, as parenting tends to stir-up challenging emotions at some point.
So I thought it would be useful to talk about how to deal with these emotions.
If your child, your baby, your toddler, your teenager is doing something and you’re finding your emotional response is very strong or extreme: ie. anger or frustration, see this is an opportunity to you find out WHY you’re reacting in an extreme way.
These strong often irrational emotions are often a clue that something is happening personally for you, and an old pattern or wound is being triggered.
Let me explain more clearly.
Whenever my son is doing something and I’m not coping with his response I have learnt to ask myself “what’s happening for me in this moment?”.
To go inside and ask myself this question leads me to discover; oh I getting angry because I’m rushing or I feel think things are not going the way I want them to.
Instead of simply thinking, my child is being difficult, so it’s his fault – a vein of thinking which easily creates agitation or blame at someone else – what if the way we feel is always something we need to bring back to us – to look within ourselves and take responsibility for?.
You see for me when I do this I realise that it’s all about the pressure I’m putting on myself i.e; I’m trying to rush and feel frustrated that we’re running late.
So by using this internally directed question I allow myself a moment, which usually gives a clearer perspective on the whole building emotion of frustration. To then consider what is really most important right now?
Surely I can take 5 more minutes to pick up my baby/child to settle them, soothe them, or and even soothe myself? To be calm and patient. Take a few breaths. To come from a place of compassion and understand everyone has feelings.
To take a moment means I can come back to my heart and instead saying to my son, it’s ok, alright we will find you hat, I’ll help you with your shoes, or lets find that thing you’re looking for. Instead of yelling at him, or rushing him (which is what I did in the past).
Because I also found that rushing fussing angry emotions rarely help. Instead; he gets upset and I get upset. Whichever way it starts, it doesn’t end up in a useful place.
So instead through being more compassionate I now end up in a better place and take my time more. I rush a lot less in the mornings now that I’ve understood that it doesn’t tend to get us there faster, but often takes more time.
Which I realise sounds crazy, but I can tell you that but taking the time to get out the door in a measured, calm heart-felt way it helps me and it helps my child.
As a mum, I believe it is my job to be settled within myself, to be grounded, patient, compassionate and caring. That’s what children need. They need us to be sure, to be certain, to be loving and that’s the challenge for parents I think, (or at-least it has been for me).
In reading this I hope you found something that resonated with you.
About the author
Bree Taylor Molyneaux is a Brisbane based happiness coach, clinical hypnotherapist, HypnoBirthing® practitioner, self-care and personal renewal facilitator, mother and wife. She founded Aspire Hypnotherapy, coaches women in a wide range of areas, runs restorative + self-care retreats, and has a range of and hypnosis downloads available. Read more about Bree here.