Do you get frustrated when your partner doesn’t seem to get how to listen to you?
When men listen to women talking about their day or their problems, they are most often listening for two things; What’s the point, and what’s the problem?.
You see men like fixing things and finding solutions to problems. It gives them a sense of achievement and in truth men are wired to do this by nature. However the challenge in this dynamic is that when a woman is being listened to she rarely wants her problem fixed.
When she talks to her friends she talks, shares and feels better without any resolution of any problem. Women get this about women. But men don’t always get this .
When a woman is sharing her feelings worries or fears, she is really looking to be heard and to feel like she was being listened to. And from her partner, it is imperative she feels that that her man is fully present and engaged with her, her feelings and her world.
When men try and “fix the problem” she’s talking about she instinctively knows that he isn’t listening to her feelings or being present with her. Instead he is focused on future solutions (which seems helpful to him), and this is not what she wants or needs.
A man trying to offer solutions most often generates the exact opposite reaction to what they are hoping for – the woman may get frustrated, angry, irritated or express a wide range of emotions. She however rarely sings his praises for fixing these things!
Here is the thing men can really benefit from understanding – she can fix her own problems most of the time. Instead what women really want from you is your presence. This means that she feels that you there, strong and unwavering, while she’s in the full flow and expression of her emotions (whether they are positive or negative).
This experience of being with a fully present man for a woman opens her heart, helps her feel validated and then, her partner will get the best of her once she has finished her flow / tirade of expression and emotional release.
But how many men really get this stuff and know how to listen or be present?
If your man doesn’t yet get how to listen and provide presence when you need it, I invite you to bring your partner to a FREE Relationship skills event for couples that I am co-facilitating
This four hour workshop will assist and educate both men and women on the differences between the sexes, common patterns and mistakes we make, and explore ways to create a better relationship for you both.
It’s kind of like giving your man a “how to guide” on relationships, improving love and connection, having better sex and much more!
About the author
Bree Taylor Molyneaux is a Brisbane based womens therapist + transformational happiness coach + HypnoBirthing® practitioner + personal renewal facilitator + mother + wife. She founded Aspire Hypnotherapy, coaches women across a wide range of areas, runs restorative + self-care retreats, and has a range of and hypnosis downloads available on iTunes. Read more about Bree here.