I had a brief moment earlier this week of feeling really low.
Sitting on familiar emotions I’ve not felt for many years … and I bet you’ve done it too.
You see I recently started a second business in the natural health space (you can read about it here
) and as you may be aware, any new venture including motherhood, tends to provide us many opportunities for personal growth, inner challenge and learning.
Times of inner growth and change also provide a chance for feelings of “not being good enough” to surface, and old doubts can rear their ugly head.
In these moments all this old crappy self doubt arises because we’ve begun to compare ourselves to the results, experiences or journey of another. During comparison to another and in our darkest moment, our journey can suddenly feel woefully inadequate.
These are the kinds thought and feelings I want to explore with you today….
You see wherever we each are in our personal life journey, depending on our personal determination, beliefs and will, we can still be tempted to make comparison to others – eg. their lack of fertility challenges or apparent ease in having babies. Their seemingly perfect birth or the appearance that they have it all together as mothers. The idea that their career is better, house is cleaner, body is fitter / more beautiful, marriage is stronger.. etc on the list can go!!
Truthfully though, these thoughts are incredibly damaging, toxic and wasteful. For when we compare ourselves to another in a negative and critical way, our deepest fears of inadequacy – of being not good enough, smart enough, or enough in any form – surface.
And these deep seated doubts that EVERY person on the planet has, do not serve us .. For when we buy into them we forget who we are, what we have to offer the world, and loose appreciation for the uniqueness of our own journey.
Anytime I’ve indulged in those thoughts of comparing myself (such as to other women’s coaches, and why they’re so successful, or to other mothers and how they seem to be endlessly calm and loving, or to other women who have amazingly fit toned bodies) … I am well aware these thoughts do nothing but dig me deeper into a black hole of feeling crap about myself. Of feeling like it’s unfair, and why doesn’t my life look like that?
Beware the danger of self comparison; this downward spiral of thoughts that accompany self comparison DOES NOT SERVE US. EVER!!
When I snap myself out of these moments, I am able to remember the reason I chose to avoid self comparison is to instead focus on running my own race in life. I also remember the only way I’m ever going to be truly happy with me, is through fully accepting myself, which means accepting that my journey is mine alone and perfectly suited for me.
Additionally, when I remember that our experience of the world reflects our inner most thoughts, then I will breathe deep, turn my focus inward and find the place inside where self-compassion abounds, and I am more than enough. When I remember my life is joyous, unique and that I’ve chosen to create it this way for many, many reasons, my perspective shifts back into a helpful place.
The how and why of this artful inner dialogue – moving from inner critic to self love and acceptance – is a topic for another day, (or a private coaching session!) but I do want remind you NOT to fall into the trap of comparison.
Instead take your journey one step at a time and one day at a time. Focusing on where you want to be and how you want to feel every step of the way.
Today I want to leave you with some words from Mariannne Williamson to help you remember the true value of you.
Our deepest fear:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”